You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
