Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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