i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
