Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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