Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
