i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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