the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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