I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
