Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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