margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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