he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
