You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
