Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We named our party play list daddy issues
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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