I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
