Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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