I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I puked a lego.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I could fuck to npr.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize