Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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