so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
