There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
