I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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