just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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