my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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