An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
