I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
