physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
