We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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