yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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