Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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