Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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