My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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