what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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