The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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