Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
