ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
