I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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