You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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