there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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