Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
