it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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