At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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