My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
