I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
