We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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