and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
