wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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