does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
