The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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