6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
