You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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