Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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