Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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