Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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