You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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