mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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