thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
