How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
