Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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