Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
