nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
